in the red

I didn’t go to work today  – which is weird because I work from home. It was hard to break away from the routine of sitting at my desk. The temptation to spend the day on some random wiki research, or down the youtube rabbit hole… I can’t be the only one who has deep desires of creative pursuits, only to see my time and concentration squandered on reading articles about dog skin conditions, or watching cats who fart, and babies who cry when their mother sneezes.

I thought I might spend the day reading. To clear my palate of the last story I consumed, I chose Elmore Leonard, but I did’t pick up that book today on purpose…

I have been avoiding learning how to use the audio equipment we have, the only motive behind this could be self sabotage. I unsabotaged myself today, and now know how to hook up, and power up all the gear, to record tracks into garage band.

I spent hours figuring out how to get the microphones to work in the room, including the hour or so it took for me to realise that I want two mics in the room to get the sound of the piano right…a familiar feeling crept over me. Like the first time I changed a tyre on the car by myself! I realised I didn’t need anyone’s help to do this. Which was at the same time, a lonely and liberating feeling (all the while I’m praying).

I can only guess that having to post something every day has brought a new flow of creative energy to my life. It’s not like I’m walking on sunshine, or pooping butterflies, but stuff is happening. Stuff that I have wanted for a long time…I managed to sketch a song called “Thirsty” that was part of the process of “the wicked truth” (which became the foundation of”Perspicacity”). The structure never worked, the groove deflated the story. I pulled it apart, and over the last two years have re-assembled the bits into something a little more burlesque. Today I made a rough recording of the new structure (Complete with scratch(guide) vocals).

Which meant, playing the song through about 15 times. I still get uptight when I know the red light is on. The first three or four times I play it through are complete crap, because I’m trapped in my head – then somewhere the groove of the song starts to move me, and the light goes on in the darkness.

My voice (for the first time in a very long time) has had a work out, and would like me to have a warm bath, a honey ginger tea, and pick up that Elmore Leonard, which is exactly what I am about to do.

Have you faced a fear recently, or challenged yourself to do something you have been putting off? How did you feel, as you claimed your power back?

with all the love of a languid heart xx



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